Okay, so I woke up this morning, drove Tori to school, went to the gym, cleaned myself up and went to Amanda's school for a class picnic. I was really frazzled and irritated with myself. I started praying and felt this war within me. Part of me felt like a failure, like I wasn't worthy to fast and pray. The other part fought and kept reminding me that I was more than a conqueror. It was a soulish battle as well as physical. I had to serve 30 hungry 5th graders fresh hamburgers and hotdogs, knowing I couldn't even lick one. (gross, I know) Jesus was in a wilderness when He fasted, I'm stuck in a wilderness of fresh food everywhere I go.
But I'm going to wrestle through this until God gets my full attention and I get His.
I'm not going to go into my driving schedule but I probably spent 3 hours of my life driving all over Winston/Pfafftown. During that last shuttle I started crying, I was thinking about the little girl who disappeared in Europe and the mother who just hung herself & her 3 children.
WHEN God???? When will you move and show us on this earth the defeat that has already occurred in the heavens? All I could do was weep and pray for the lost, kidnapped children of God. I want to see them come home.
When you don't know how to pray, the Holy Spirit prays with groanings and tears. I'm still weeping.
Break through NOW O God!
****ADDENDUM after church****
So this spirit of travail continues. During preservice prayer, It was so easy for me to kick in and hear God. It was powerful and amazing. Kim travailed and there were a few confirmations of a breaker anointing. Wow, did I write that up there?
God just spoke through me during prayer school and it was really easy teaching about travailing. When the kids started praying a spirit of travail took over some of them. 3 in particular that blew me away. I'm finally seeing a dream come true: african-american kids stepping into God and leading from the front. Hallelujah, what I've been in travail over for years. Ironic that I'm teaching about being pregnant and birthing in the spirit and I got to watch the birth of numerous prayers right there. Yahweh is awesome! Praise Jesus!
I hope youth service was as good as God promised it would be.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Day 2
I woke up headache free today and felt great. The lemon juice thing I'm doing is to cleanse my body and solely used as my juice fast. I drink a mint tea sometimes. Giving up coffee was not a problem at all. I really wasn't as hungry as I thought I would be today. Well, except when I had to buy groceries and I could smell that Foodlion fried chicken cookin' (they don't even make good fried chicken). Oh yeah, when I had to make dinner for the family (mac&cheese was tempting). But I know that a breakthrough will be coming very soon, so I press on.
The media fast is interesting. I had no idea how much time I spent on the computer until I saw how much free time I had today, so I studied the Word. Yeah, that addiction is going to be broken. I've been studying travailing for prayer school and it really convicted me about how much prayer time I'm spending during my fast. I've been praying, especially when there's a rumbly in my tumbly, but I'll need to spend more time if I'm going to be led into travailing for the land.
Isaiah 66:8 says "... no sooner is Zion in labor than she gives birth to her children"
I want to labor for these "children" so that I can have the joy in seeing them birthed.
Sheesh I'm tired. I'll try to write more tomorrow. (If I have time, crazy days comin' up)
The media fast is interesting. I had no idea how much time I spent on the computer until I saw how much free time I had today, so I studied the Word. Yeah, that addiction is going to be broken. I've been studying travailing for prayer school and it really convicted me about how much prayer time I'm spending during my fast. I've been praying, especially when there's a rumbly in my tumbly, but I'll need to spend more time if I'm going to be led into travailing for the land.
Isaiah 66:8 says "... no sooner is Zion in labor than she gives birth to her children"
I want to labor for these "children" so that I can have the joy in seeing them birthed.
Sheesh I'm tired. I'll try to write more tomorrow. (If I have time, crazy days comin' up)
Monday, May 28, 2007
Day 1
I am using this as a diary of what happens in the next 40 days. 40 days of fasting media and whatever else God tells me to leave behind as I seek Him on behalf of our nation and the world.
I have started fasting food today. For the next 10 days I am drinking only a lemon juice mixture that is also good for bodily cleansing.
Unfortunately, I had a headache yesterday and it has continued to this moment. Should I take medicine for it? Hmm. I'm going to have to. I feel very foggy in the brain right now.
I had to cook dinner for my family and it smelled so good. The thought has occurred to me to not even try to give up food, but then I felt this righteous anger rise up. If I'm willing to fast and pray for this generation and if others are, what kind of difference can we make for the future of our children and theirs. I know that in 3 days it will be a little easier, so I march on.
I did have to work on a message about travailing today. And, yes, it was travail. Between my head and the fogginess, it was hard to do much more than read and pray. Wow, my body is really mad at me right now.
I have started fasting food today. For the next 10 days I am drinking only a lemon juice mixture that is also good for bodily cleansing.
Unfortunately, I had a headache yesterday and it has continued to this moment. Should I take medicine for it? Hmm. I'm going to have to. I feel very foggy in the brain right now.
I had to cook dinner for my family and it smelled so good. The thought has occurred to me to not even try to give up food, but then I felt this righteous anger rise up. If I'm willing to fast and pray for this generation and if others are, what kind of difference can we make for the future of our children and theirs. I know that in 3 days it will be a little easier, so I march on.
I did have to work on a message about travailing today. And, yes, it was travail. Between my head and the fogginess, it was hard to do much more than read and pray. Wow, my body is really mad at me right now.
Thursday, May 3, 2007
about that last blog
Maybe my problem isn't about prayer. Maybe it's repetitive confessions. Still researching the Word about it. If we have a Word we believe and then confess it, over and over and over and over... you know what I mean, do we ever stop. 'Cause if not then I need to keep confessing scriptures about my healing, my kids, my neighbors, my husband's job, my future, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, forever and ever and ever amen. What happens if I've read it, got revelation on it, and confessed it? Can't I move on in faith? Or does it have to be a vain repetition that becomes no more than words with a rythym?
But last night was awesome anyway!
But last night was awesome anyway!
Praying
“And when you pray, do not use vain repetitions as the heathen do. For they think that they will be heard for their many words. Therefore do not be like them. For your Father knows the things you have need of before you ask Him.”
"When you pray, don't babble on and on as people of other religions do. They think their prayers are answered only by repeating their words again and again. Don't be like them, because your Father knows exactly what you need even before you ask him!”
"Here's what I want you to do: Find a quiet, secluded place so you won't be tempted to role-play before God. Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage. The focus will shift from you to God, and you will begin to sense his grace. The world is full of so-called prayer warriors who are prayer-ignorant. They're full of formulas and programs and advice, peddling techniques for getting what you want from God. Don't fall for that nonsense. This is your Father you are dealing with, and he knows better than you what you need. With a God like this loving you, you can pray very simply. Like this: Our Father in heaven, Reveal who you are. Set the world right; Do what's best - as above, so below. Keep us alive with three square meals. Keep us forgiven with you and forgiving others. Keep us safe from ourselves and the Devil. You're in charge! You can do anything you want! You're ablaze in beauty! Yes. Yes. Yes.”
- Jesus, the Christ, in the Gospel of Matthew Chapter 6 (NKJV, NLT, Message)
Is this why some things just stick in my throat, unable to come out? Why can’t I just get along?
"When you pray, don't babble on and on as people of other religions do. They think their prayers are answered only by repeating their words again and again. Don't be like them, because your Father knows exactly what you need even before you ask him!”
"Here's what I want you to do: Find a quiet, secluded place so you won't be tempted to role-play before God. Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage. The focus will shift from you to God, and you will begin to sense his grace. The world is full of so-called prayer warriors who are prayer-ignorant. They're full of formulas and programs and advice, peddling techniques for getting what you want from God. Don't fall for that nonsense. This is your Father you are dealing with, and he knows better than you what you need. With a God like this loving you, you can pray very simply. Like this: Our Father in heaven, Reveal who you are. Set the world right; Do what's best - as above, so below. Keep us alive with three square meals. Keep us forgiven with you and forgiving others. Keep us safe from ourselves and the Devil. You're in charge! You can do anything you want! You're ablaze in beauty! Yes. Yes. Yes.”
- Jesus, the Christ, in the Gospel of Matthew Chapter 6 (NKJV, NLT, Message)
Is this why some things just stick in my throat, unable to come out? Why can’t I just get along?
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
On Writing
Okay, so I saw Freedom Writers today. I have so many thoughts right now...
First of all, I was inspired by this movie, this woman, those youth. Yes, one person can make a difference in a community's legacy. I remember reading the Diary of Anne Frank and feeling the frustration of knowing she died. BUT, she left a legacy in her little journal. Her thoughts are timeless, and, to some extent, even what she went through is not much different than what many kids today go through.
I recall reading Uncle Tom's Cabin and being inspired. One women, Harriet Beecher Stowe, used her words to inspire change. Frederick Douglass autobiography, The Narrative Life of Frederick Douglass, was also a powerful tool in convincing the public that slavery was wrong. His philosophy was to "Use the power of spoken and written language to effect positive change for yourself and society."
What if everyone were a reader. Readers of good books, the Bible, blogs, history, whatever? What if everyone wrote down their thoughts, good, bad and ugly?
Sometimes we write just to get it off our chest, leaving the page (screen) feeling a little lighter. Sometimes we write with passion, to show others a point of view that has not been understood yet. Sometimes we write for fun, just a little smackeral of something that tickles our fancy.
Whatever the reason, write. You don't know who you have touched, even your own soul.
Some kids dislike school and maybe rightly so. Unfortunately, that hate steers them away from educating themselves with good books and a blank sheet of paper.
I don't know why I'm writing this except I feel the need to write.
So, tag you're it --- WRITE
First of all, I was inspired by this movie, this woman, those youth. Yes, one person can make a difference in a community's legacy. I remember reading the Diary of Anne Frank and feeling the frustration of knowing she died. BUT, she left a legacy in her little journal. Her thoughts are timeless, and, to some extent, even what she went through is not much different than what many kids today go through.
I recall reading Uncle Tom's Cabin and being inspired. One women, Harriet Beecher Stowe, used her words to inspire change. Frederick Douglass autobiography, The Narrative Life of Frederick Douglass, was also a powerful tool in convincing the public that slavery was wrong. His philosophy was to "Use the power of spoken and written language to effect positive change for yourself and society."
What if everyone were a reader. Readers of good books, the Bible, blogs, history, whatever? What if everyone wrote down their thoughts, good, bad and ugly?
Sometimes we write just to get it off our chest, leaving the page (screen) feeling a little lighter. Sometimes we write with passion, to show others a point of view that has not been understood yet. Sometimes we write for fun, just a little smackeral of something that tickles our fancy.
Whatever the reason, write. You don't know who you have touched, even your own soul.
Some kids dislike school and maybe rightly so. Unfortunately, that hate steers them away from educating themselves with good books and a blank sheet of paper.
I don't know why I'm writing this except I feel the need to write.
So, tag you're it --- WRITE
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